Once again there is so much to talk about.
I find myself really irritable when it comes to people mocking and being assholes. I know that sometimes I come off as an A-hole myself but truly I don’t mean it, and in most cases its joking with friends (comradery). But if you fall into the first two traits that I am irritable about you might just think of me as a hypocrite.
Over the weekend I went to the mens retreat that the B puts on and I found myself Wednesday shopping for 50 guys; you might ask “why did you volunteer yourself to do this?”, well no one else wanted to and lately I have been trying to do things with a modest attitude, giving myself to things that noone else wants to do or I would normally never do (this is not a free pass to ask me to do something though). I would love to talk about this more but I think I will tomorrow because I am not going to talk about everything that I want to say today anyways. So Wednesday night I went to Costco with Daze Z. and my wife, we had a simple list of items to buy and it was stated to me “don’t worry, anything you don’t get because they don’t have or I did not give to you on the list we can get in town by the lake”, so I had no worries. It took forever to get everything and I want to give props to Dave Z. for wanting to lift the 30+ cases of water and Gatorade on the flatbed while I got other things. So as all the stuff was being totaled up I found that I had around $150 to $200 more to spend on snacks so I had about 5 minutes to get extra’s. I got a bunch of Jerky, Jellybeans, peanuts, protein bars, Gum and more. After the $1200 bill we spent a long time fitting all of this crap into our cars to take over to Mikee’s house. Then that turned out to be another pain.
A lot happened that night but lets jump into next day…
So, after hours of getting made fun of what I bought I was getting so upset. 3 hours of sleep and no patience for attacks that are reminiscent of high school is something that I cannot stand; I snapped, I cussed out the 5 main guys that were all on my case and I walked away. I wanted to seriously hit everyone in the face, and I probably would have left entirely if I had driven up in my own car but I didn’t. So I left thinking that I might have gotten my point across, granted the wrong way. I came back to camp after a little trip and the asssholes kept on going for the whole weekend, and what’s worse is that they told everyone to say something about my shopping, because I bought some stuff that might have been unnecessary or some stuff that I just couldn’t get. So through out the weekend people made little comments about, “did you get this”, “did you get that”, “good thing you got jelly beans and gum” and everything else that would push my buttons. I could not stand it so whenever someone said something I gave them a glare and said a little cuss word to prove a point that never got across and walked away and started to work or do something that was benefiting to the camp so I could be alone.
For 4 days I heard this sh*t from people, mainly from the original A-Holes. So that just set the mood for me for the whole weekend. Normally I would have just escaped and did something somewhere else but I didn’t. I kept myself busy by being in charge of a boat for a couple days and at night by trying to help the cooks, even though they gave me a hard time too. And during Mafia (a game half the camp played until 3-4 in the morning each night) nothing was said because it’s a character/acting/role game. During the entire time I thought of a friend of mine that recently passed away and how he lived his life. He was an extraordinary person who helped everyone without any gratitude and wanting no praise, he was extremely humble from what I saw. He also was very miss understood because of his character and demeanor, and some times because of this he was made fun of, even though deep down he was blessed and he shared this blessing with everyone through his actions and commitment. I was thinking of him as inspiration to just roll with it, even though he may have not experienced anything like this, I wanted to work and still be a servant instead of hiding in the deepest corner. I know that I got angry and the worst of it came out but I tried and I tried very hard. I wonder how hard he worked not only for others but on himself.
I love you Jun.