Check out my favicon, Its the icon next to the URL above.
YES!!!
Now what do I do next? Flash? Poll? More movies? PhotoBlog? A big golden chain and a cane for my overboard pimped out Blog? Maybe I will make a Poll, just for this situation.
This is for the Stryker
Google Search: dan cameron
Also FreeSpeek beats out Jabra
Google Search: freespeek
Since I havenÃt posted anything on the lighter side of things lately I decided to post some pictures of our recent trip to San Diego (left). This is our second trip in the last year and we love it. There is so much to see and do. The train is cool. Downtown is awesome; one of the reasons is Ghirardelli uuuuuuhhhhhh. I think we might go more often for a little Vacation here and there. Oh yeah there is a tech museum too, sweet.
I thought monday was the last day of my Flu, but I think it might be gradually coming back. I feel so bad today, my stomach is in knots, I feel so week, and because of that I blew up to theJames for nothing…ahhhhh…my stomach kills. And all I am doing is grinning and bearing it out since I don’t want to leave work, not because I like work but I have to “man up”.
I think though…
Could it be stress?
What stress though?
Depressed?
Maybe?
It has been a long couple weeks.
The resolution only…
Time will tell.
I went through a horrible time when this was played Sunday I couldn’t bare watching it. I didn’t understand because I watched it a zillion times the day before creating it and I when the first notes started I just could not control myself. I know now it wasn’t the video that made me break, it was the realization a friend that I always intended to create a better friendship with was gone…and I missed the opportunity. Jun left a great impression on me and I pray it will always stay with me.
There is a lot that I wish I could talk about right now, but I just cant. I tried but I just kept on deleting.
One thing that I really want to write about is the video that I spent making for Jun Huh’s memorial yesterday. I was honored to have the bulk of the project placed on me Wednesday when our film team met. I never really had anything like this placed upon me at the bridge except the video I did a couple weeks back about trashcan can make a difference. So I went into it head first Saturday, I had the whole day set aside for the project and I had a vision. Thats all you need right? Well I woke up Saturday feeling like crap but I couldn’t let it effect me. I started up my computer and tried to create my vision with the images that Tommy scanned for me and I found out I couldn’t do it the way I planned then so I went another way and then another, I was getting a little discouraged and I thought at one point I couldn’t do it, and I would just piece it all together all simple like. But I didn’t give up and I finally prevailed in a program I know little about. It was going to take time but I knew I could do it. Well a quarter way through I talked to Tim about the section that Alex and him worked on (the video in the middle), and right after I hung up I got extremely sick and I lost my lunch. I laid in bed for hours thinking only of the video and how I would get it done. But I was rejuvenated through prayer and the awesome Bigsticks Sara brought home. I went back to work and finally finished it about 1am. I went to bed exhausted and delighted about the gift that I helped make for the family and close freinds of Jun, the very least I could ever do.
I looked at my blog today and I was surprised at myself, because with everything going on I never made an entry. My mind has been going crazy with thoughts about Jun; how to take it, how it is, what happened, what could have changed for both him and me, and friendship. With all of these things running through my mind and most of them resolved I should have wrote to my journal, but I didnÃt. I healed myself with thoughts and consoling others, and for the first time in awhile I didnÃt write. With all of the comments on the BridgeBlogs not one is mine. Why? I have accepted everything that has happenedÖand I am gradually feeling better, laughing through the memories instead of tearing. I loved Jun and I am glad we separated with the friendship that we had and not the friendship of the past.
So everyone knows this enrty Tolerated by Steam was NOT directed at anyone including theJames the great, except myself. All right? The part ìhas it become cool around the people that I talk to or converse through blogging to act like an asshole? YES.î is a revelation of myself and an attitude produced by myself.
Please read this comment I posted earlier:
“To clarify I did not mean that was the entirety of the situation. I do though think that TheJames, Stryker and many other friends of the same faith impressed something upon me to not hold my tongue. Its nothing to be defensive about whatsoever, because not only do I enjoy it but when I reference it to what I am going through its not integral to the situation. Because it explains the talk that I write on the web but by no means does it explain the tension in life. And the moments of anger that I slur out curse words resides much deeper then a few tagboard conversations.
…
A Reminder to all, these entries are SCATTERED thoughts and are not always very rational.”
I have been thinking a lot about the entry, especially since it has stirred up some emotion against some friends. Something I never meant to do nor want to do. So as a disclaimer to the previous entry I am the sole proprietor of the feelings it ìbeing cool to be an assholeî. And it did not come out like I meant it, Clearly it did not.
The simple meaning behind that 1 and a half sentence statement was that I was becoming an ìassholeî, and I called myself an ìassholeî because I was becoming something that I am normally not. The behavior I am talking about is not the talk to the tagboard chicks that have been running rampant nor the comradery between the guys, its the stuff I read, see, and talk about that you donÃt see that makes me an ìassholeî. Even though I have been thinking a lot about this I really cannot explain it anymore then that.
